Gentle

Gentle

Accepting my chairs invitation to take a seat

I sink into his ancient leathery folds,

Sighing.

Crinkled, wrinkled and wise

He embraces me effortlessly

 Taking all the weight from

My aching feet

copyright 2014   Gillian Holland

Musings

The way I figure it, there are two ways to use your chair;'to live as part of life', and fully enjoy the feast that is set out before you, or to 'live apart from life', in other words just snooze your way through life. I know which I prefer, but I also know which is the easier option.

Sometimes we really do need to snooze because we are quite simply tired, but sometimes sleep is a defence mechanism. When something mega happens in life, I just want to dive under the duvet pretending it's not happening. But that doesn't really help.  We need to look at what's going on.  We need to deal with it.  Apart from that, most of us switch off from all the honking cars, traffic jams and general sabre rattling consuming our lives and assaulting our senses.  But that means we close our eyes to some of life's magic; the first snowdrop edging its way up through winter's soggy soil, the luscious flavour of dripping butter ladled onto crisply toasted toast first thing in the morning, or the curve of a hill stretching in the early morning sunshine. Most of us are far from awake when we scuttle down the stairs, stuffing something or other into our mouths, often without even taking a seat, before bumbling out of the door. Is that what life's really about? Are we really just supposed to scratch the surface? Are we really supposed to 'live apart from life!'

Don't know about you, but artwork, just isn't one of my talents. I trained as a junior school teacher at a time when art was a really important medium through which the children could express themselves. Great fun, messy but still great fun.  My art lecturer didn't rate my work one little iota.  At school we had to drop art in the third year of senior school.  Can you believe that?  All in all I was struggling. It would have helped me a lot if someone had just said 'paint what you see. Interpret what you see.'  And that what I painted didn't have to be an exact replica of the next person.  I see the way I see, and that is what makes me unique and surely should be encouraged?

I can use my chair in two distinct ways! To take a long snooze, missing out on life's magic, or to observe and celebrate the feast that is life.  I have a way of celebrating life that is uniquely my own.  I have a vision uniquely my own, and a voice also uniquely my own. I have a taste and passion for life that's uniquely my own, and they all need to be expressed.

Spirit of the chair

Spirit of the Chair

Preparing for take off.

My chair

My green chair

My magical green chair.

My everything I could ever want

 in a chair chair

We giggle together

Play together.

Dream together

Journey together.

Write together.

copyright Gillian Holland 2014

Musings

I am fascinated by Space, and how we use it, and that's not always to our advantage by the way.

I'm into my second reading of one of Dr Wayne Dyers most recent books 'Wishes Fulfilled.' He stresses just how important it is to dream and devote time to visualising our dreams as if they are already happening.  

We all need a trusted friend to share our hopes and dreams with. But one of our deepest fears is that if we share too openly they might get trampled all over and disappear into a puff of deflating smoke.

That's where my chair comes in. The one thing I know for certain, is that this silent companion will never spill the beans on my ambitions.  It's getting quite old and battered now, but I like the familiar squashy friendliness enveloping me when I plop myself down into it in preparation to write, or to meditate.

It is completely my space, a space where I can play around with ideas and words and dreams; somewhere I am not limited by other peoples ideas about me and where I can be as wild and wacky as I want to be. Who says I can't be a world famous and fabulously rich author, or the first dumpy sixty year old to swim all the seven seas!!!! The sky's the limit.

A chair, your own special chair is ideal, because it doesn't take up too much space yet its still remains your very own chair. It's imbued with your energy. And yes I do believe its worth fighting for. We just don't allocate ourselves enough me time or dream time, and without that, whether you are a writer or not life becomes too much of a drudge.

Get dreaming and remember the sky's the limit.

Now that you are no longer there.....

New Beginnings

DAY 31

Now you are no longer there

I am bereft.

Yearning for life's familiar shackles

To keep me safe

And immobile

copyright 2014 Gillian Holland

Musings

Life's can certainly be a bumpy ride. Even after lots of soul searching, it can still be very difficult to fly the nest.  Of course it's our choice whether we move forward or not, but if we are not careful it's easy to move back into the same old, same old all over again without thinking twice.  There is always safety in familiarity and our old life can stay wrapped round us like a huge security blanket.  It's somehow very reassuring, and we don't have to think too hard about stuff.

It's only natural to feel vulnerable when you are at a crossroads in your life.  Rather than hanging onto your old and probably well worn security blanket, it's time to branch out and go for a brand new line, one that takes you way outside your comfort zone.  The key thing here is that it all takes time.  When a door closes, a second one does indeed open, but there is a bridge in between waiting to lead you into the next phase of your life.

The trick here is not to push too hard,

taking one step at a time,

as we well as taking a breather between each step

to savour life's magic.

Oh and in the meantime, let life take care of itself!!!

Sometimes its a good idea to treat yourself to a little something
which represents where you want to be
and keep it where you can see it.

Coming Back to Myself

Coming back to myself

DAY 30

Coming back to myself.

I feel!

I see!

I hear!

I live!

As if for the very first time.

My stricken legs and feet

Once frozen solid with grief,

Growl and howl,

And rage,

 

Grandad -who else would he be?

Grandad - or is he?

DAY 29

I see a man

Sitting behind a cake

With lots of lighted blue candles on top.

Nothing more

Nothing less

copyright Gillian Holland 2014

Musings

Part of a medium's training is to describe what they see, rather than  place their own interpretation onto what they are looking at.  You might be tempted to say it's this man's 60th birthday.  But all we can say from the information given is that he is sitting in front of a cake.  

It's very easy to make these kind of judgements, when we are really interpreting things through our own world vision.....and that couldn't be further from the truth.

In fact judgements especially harsh criticisms make it much more difficult to connect to Spirit at all!  By describing exactly what you see, rather than what you think you are seeing,  may recreate a very special memory for your recipient that has absolutely nothing to do with birthdays at all and connects them to their loved ones on the other side of life.

In day to day living, we can still make this kind of bloomer as well.  It's actually very difficult not to judge. We are doing it all the time to try to make some kind of sense of things around us. The other day I went out for a coffee and of course just had to have a piece of cake.. There were no prices anywhere to be seen, so I chose a small bakewell tart; economy size thought I!!  How wrong can a girl get? When the bill came, this tart proved to be one of the most expensive options I could have chosen!!! I am sure the management leave the prices off deliberately!! (But isn't that another judgement?)

Gillianx

Rose

DAY 27

We communicate

In the Silence

This rose

 and I.

She held in my heart

Me in hers.

copyright Gillian Holland 2014

Small stone Big Smile

DAY 29

Small stone

Words

Words




DAY 28


Such a struggle

To find the words

Even when I know

They are

Already written



copyright Gillian Holland 2014

Let me eat cake!

Today I shall eat cake ......and enjoy it

DAY 26

A piece of cake

Is like a slice of life.

You have to stop 

to

Savour it!

copyright Gillian Holland 2014

Musings

You could say there's never a right time to eat a piece of cake! But there's a part of me that says if you are determined to eat it, you might as well enjoy it.  Now how many people can truthfully say they eat without one iota of guilt?  ....

Food like life is a fiesta for all our senses; the colours and textures on the plate, the setting, ambient atmosphere soft candle light as well, various flavours complementing each other. All of these things contribute to creating a satisfying meal.  The thing is, if we take the time to savour each morsel we don't actually need as much to satisfy our Souls either. Its a win:win situation.

So many of us eat on the run, and life our lives on the run, but enjoy it, I mean truly enjoy it?  Today I am going to make a really conscious effort to savour each morsel I eat.  I am also going to take a moment to ask myself whether if Life is what I am really hungering after rather than food....

Peace comes

 Sixties Scary!

DAY 25

Peace comes

When imperfection knocks at my door,

and 

I let her in

copyright Gillian Holland 2014

Musings

Did I ever look like that? 

 Well....I admit to having a baker boy hat and some very bright floral orange flares.  How trendy is that?  Back in the 60's I was much more interested in fashion than anything else.  I do admit to being a 'dedicated follower of fashion' not in a big, big way, but big enough to cause me a few heart-aches.  I had long wavy hair that couldn't be coaxed into straight like Sandie Shaw's. 

But, like the rest of my generation, I spent an age in front of the mirror trying to create the right look. I guess the difference between then and now is that as the younger generation we were all looking for an identity that set us apart from our olds.

These days, however I see things from the other side of the coat hanger, and am trying to deflect the rigid labels our youngsters conjure up for us, and so I shall defiantly 'wear purple' as poet Jenny Joseph says.

So what if my purple coat doesn't go with my bright red shoes and tartan nail polish! And just who says they don't anyway???

Doing something different is the stuff of life. It's really nourishing to the Soul. Trying to achieve great heights is exhausting. So today, when imperfection comes to call, I shall throw the door wide open, go out to play with her, and have a blast. Playing around with ideas that lead to inspirations is a totally different and much more life enhancing vibe.Fancy joining me?

Gillian

What's to see?

               Mirror, Mirror ......

DAY 24

What's to see?

Just the light!

copyright Gillian Holland 2014

Musings

This morning when I got up and looked in the mirror, for one dreadful split nano-second, there she was 'the wicked witch of the west' glowering back at me.  And boy didn't she need Botox.

Then I remembered we all see what we expect to see!  But wicked witch of the west? Perhaps it's not a good idea to drag yourself to the mirror in the cold light of dawn, especially when your mind's just getting back into gear.

Our physical eyes see what they've been indoctrinated to see, based on thoughts of not being good enough in some way or another.   Negative thoughts drag us down in seconds flat setting the pattern for the rest of the day. 

We all need to look beyond what seems to be real, but is actually an illusion. Look beyond last night's lines, bags and sags and recognise just what a marvel of creation you are. We are all light beingsx

Gravity

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Day 23

Small stones,

    Hidden gems,

The world at my feet.

copyright 2014 Gillian Holland

Musings

Yesterday was great fun.  Haven't laughed so much in ages, and haven't been over to Watford in ages either.  

Armed with my trusty bus pass, and after much umming and arrring, I took to the transport system like a duck takes to water, and had a wonderful day with a good friend I haven't seen in quite a while.  What was different?  

I decided the day was going to be magical

and.....IT WAS!

Here I was at yet another crossroads in my life, determined not to drive, yet determined to just get out. Life's for living after all!

I definitely didn't want to drive into the awful one-way traffic system, or for that matter park in car parks that actually don't give you much room for manoeuvre. Last time I was there, I wedged the car against a huge concrete pillar, and had to scramble (very undignified) over the passenger seat to get out...and of course I was already late.  If it hadn't been for a 'passing hero' I'd still be there today! He, of course, as only heroes can, managed to reverse the car without so much as a scratch. 

Yesterday's trek, I vowed was going to be different ...and much more fun....and it was.  The reason for this is quite simple; I took time out to 'Remember who I AM!'  As my writing says, the world really does lay at our feet when we remember to remember this. We are, as the saying goes, divine beings having a human experience. The bleakest of stones becomes the most radiant gem when we remember WE ARE LOVE. Let love, the foundation of our wonderful universe, be the foundation of your day.

Have a magical day

Gillianx

Small Stones

Ready for the Climb? What do you see?


Day 22

Small stones

Huge Boulders

Ready for the climb?

copyright Gillian Holland 2014

Crossroads

Hmmmm  haven't we been this way before?

Crossroads

DAY 21


Lord!

There are many ways

 To cook an egg,

Please!

 Just give me a clue

copyright Gillian Holland 2014

Musings

Now let me see. What was it Neil Armstrong said when he stepped onto the moon? 'One small step for man, a gigantic one for mankind'?  Think my own steps have been leading me a merry dance, you know the one called 'ever decreasing circles'.

There's one small thing we all forget to factor into the equation, 'gravity'.  Much easier to prance around on the moon when you don't have to worry about gravity dragging you back down to earth like an avenging angel.

When we are inspired to create something, it generally takes a while for it to take shape on earth. And that's okay, because there are several stages involved in the art of manifestation. Put simply, we stand a much greater chance of success if we ease our way down the mountain-side,  rather than launch straight from the top.

Each step represents a different level of consciousness which needs to be aligned with our hearts desire. Now here's the important bit

That crossroad may look the same,

but you have just approached it

 from a different direction (level of awareness and that's good).
You are not on a treadmill.
Life is a dance a spiral,
Each time taking you closer to your destination

Now isn't the time to frump and grump and dash into the undergrowth. It's time to take stock, get out your compass,do a bit of tweaking if that's necessary. Stop! Look (really look) at the signposts! And listen to the whispers It's definitely not the moment to beat yourself up,but to give yourself a huge pat on the back, and to recognise just how far you have come.

Remember the way you approach any crossroads can make all the difference to achieving your goal. Apparently this week is the week you are most likely to give up on your new years resolutions!  You have reached a really important threshold.  Stop! Look! Listen! Remember here on earth we only have to take one tiny step at a time, but that can still make the world of a difference.

Heavens above

Goodness!
What is going on inside that egg?

DAY 20

Heaven only knows

Who

I AM!

                              copyright Gillian Holland 2014

Musings

Sometimes, the Universe plays a waiting game. That's infuriating, but it's part of the 'Game of Life!'

How we see the wait is all important.  While you are waiting, do you see your glass as half empty or half full, as the saying goes? Are you expecting something magical to happen, or the same old, same old?  

Magic happens in our live's when we surrender to the Divinity (heaven) within us all. That means to let go of control, allowing life to do its thing without trying to force it.

Last night I dreamed I was packing my bits and pieces up ready to move to a larger and much more comfortable space. In my dream I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt, that attitude really does make a big difference. The Universe was really taking care of me. I was clucking around a bit like a Mother Hen, creating a nest that was ready to receive a 'gift from heaven!'  What's more I was loving it.

Now this woman here, is not normally a fan of housework, so this is a huge huge shift.  The space we are given is part of the 'Game of Life'.  When we see ourselves as part of life's magic, we are actually allowing it into our lives. If you like we are preparing a loving space, rather than a fearful one, getting ready to take a gigantic step forward.

As you wait for Source energy to create its wonders, remember who you are, and therefore what you can achieve.

Workshop:

Connecting to Life's Magic and Mystery  Saturday 1st February  10.15 for 10.30 start - 4.30 approximately

Using a series of meditation and visualisation exercises we will celebrate this magical day Imbolc.

Discover why so many of us just give up our dreams and resolutions at this time of the year. It really is all down to the way we see ourselves. 

Connecting to the Archangel Raphael and Mother Mary Queen of the Angels, we reconnect to life's magic as well as our inner wisdom. You will also have the opportunity to work with the 6 pointed star.

This is a very relaxed day but you will have the opportunity to connect to and share your wisdom with the group.  At the end of the day you will be given Mp3 of the main exercises, for your further enjoyment.  Bring your own packed lunch, journal and blanket just in case.

There are only a few spaces left. Contact Gillian

Walking on Egg Shells

Patience - its not quite cooked!

DAY 19

Walking on Egg Shells

Patience!

Egg shells

refuse to crack open

before they are

good and ready! 

copyright Gillian Holland2014

Musings

Goodness, really struggling to find the words this morning.  So this piece says it all!!!!  I've spent lots of time toying with words, but it hasn't made the slightest difference.  So Patience has to be the name of the game. Dah!

Step into the Silence

Step into the Silence

DAY 18

Step into the Silence

Come,

Take my hand,

Step into the Silence

Crack open the Fear

Taste life's sweet mystery,

Defrosting your bones.

copyright Gillian Holland 2014

Musings

Change is the one given in all our lives, and yet its one of our greatest fears....

The globe is on the verge of huge change, I think we can all feel it. Wouldn't it be wonderful to all link hands across the world to take the huge leap forward together into the unknown.

We fear what we don't know, but if we take Spirits hand, trust our intuition, I believe we can all be guided towards bright new beginnings for the benefit of all.

Gillian

Take off

one......two.....three.......lift off

DAY 17

Take off

Feet caressing velvety green soil

She sighs

 And

As the weight of the world,

  Slips from her shoulders

Takes flight

 copyright Gillian Holland 2014

A breath of fresh air

About Time Too.....

DAY 16

About time

You looked

 in the Mirror

And

         Saw who you really are;

      A breath of fresh air.

                       copyright Gillian Holland 2014

Day 16

Every day is a brand new day.  We get up each morning, many of us in a bit of a daze, glance in the mirror,

searching for the new grey hair or wrinkle and then slouch down to breakfast.  Hardly an inspiring start to the day.

It doesn't have to be that way. Each day is a brand new, and has brand new opportunities....Look beyond the physical form and all our labels, back to Source energy.  We each hold a small piece of the Divinity in our hearts.  It is light energy and pure consciousness. Yes, we are all light beings, miles away from the 'could do betters' we see ourself as.

Each morning as you look in the mirror, pause, take a deep breath in and  let your Spirit inspire you.  Begin each day with a fresh approach. 

 You really are a 'breath of fresh air'.

Gillian

Snapshot from Heaven

If only.........

DAY 15

Snapshot from Heaven

If only you could see yourself

The way I see you;

Perfect,

Vital

Alive

Musings

When it comes to seeing ourselves clearly, we make the mistake of comparing ourselves to other people, which means we don’t scrub up well.  This, of course it has nothing to do with the way things actually are.

I have a very dog-eared shot of me as a tot smiling into the camera without a care in the world.  I started to think of the eyes of the person taking the shot. I believe it was Dad, who's been up in heaven for a long long time. This short piece is his message to me from heaven. 

We very often wrap ourselves in a dark cloak of self-doubt and poor self-image, imagine we are less than.  The reality is that even though we have a physical form, we are all far greater than that.  We are Spirit, and all connected and part of Source energy.

60 years on

All Saints Church Kings Langley - 

DAY 14

60 YEARS ON

60 years on, Dad,

I picked up your photo.

You are smiling at me,

And

Finally

I am smiling back

               copyright Gillian Holland 2014

Musings

The piece I wrote yesterday was very short and to the point.  In fact, I wrote it the night before and left the musings out altogether knowing Monday was going to be hectic.  Somewhere at the back of my mind, I heard a whisper 'Don't worry it's going to write itself!'......and that is exactly what happened!

....And... Monday, yesterday turned out to be the most magical day and no-where near as frenetic as I had expected.

To start with a friend of mine sent me a piece of her own work, which really inspired me.  Something she wrote made me realise how amid life's hurly burly, we can lose our taste for life because we get bogged down in practicalities

I do find January quite taxing!!!  So much to be done...and of course books to be balanced. January is never a doddle even though Santa's long hung up his sack.

And then something quite miraculous happened.  A photo of my Dad dropped out onto the floor.....I just lost myself in his smile.  All the years dropped away, and there he was the Spirit of my beautiful Father, smiling his encouragement.  Just the tonic I needed.

If you have a second or two, spend a moment either out in nature or watching the world go by from your window.  You won't be disappointed. There's a lot of magic still out there. 
Gillian Holland  

Silence is Golden

Silence is Golden

DAY 13

Silently now

                             I wait for the in-breath.

It comes,

                        When I least expect it




                             copyright Gillian Holland 2014

I am enough

I am enough

DAY 12

Today

I am here

and

That is enough

                  Gillian Holland 2014

Musings

Today is Sunday.  It heralds new beginnings and is the foundation for the rest of the week. 

Being here, now, is the blank canvas from which everything else springs.

So acknowledging our being determines whether we take flight or just flap as we open

the door to the next chapter in our lives.

Gillian

To Smile or Not to Smile...

SMILE be your own best friend

DAY 11

Behind the Paper Smile

Lips stutter into a curve.

Pegged at the corners,

This brittle smile

Sticks to my teeth,

And clutches at my heart.

NO LIFE HERE THEN?

Just pure resignation.

Gillian Holland copyright 2014

Musings

Today I want to continue my exploration of Smiling. I am really snowed under at the moment. So I greeted the beautiful crisp winter's morning with a snarl rather than I smile.  Turning the TV on, I then became fascinated by the guy being interviewed.  As he spoke, his face hardly moved a muscle. His lips snapped back and forth with  mechanical precision. Not much life there either?

Well at least I wasn't the only one struggling!!! So entranced was I that I then I decided to practise my own smile.  Fortunately, hubby was sitting in the other room at the time. The result was the piece, Paper Smile, above. Not a happy smile!

My paper smile had no energy behind it, and certainly no joy.  Just an obligation to get myself out there, whilst hiding my true feelings, in deep denial, 'behind the paper smile.'

The 'Pause and Smile' smile comes from a different space altogether. For one thing, you are saying 'Yes to Life' and you don't have to pretend to like it. Rather than denying your feelings, acknowledge them from the 'bottom of your heart'. Have some compassion for yourself.  Give yourself permission to be you. Although you may still have a huge to do list,  your attitude will have shifted altogether. 

So today if I catch myself hiding behind the paper smile once again.  I am going to stop, smile and give myself permission to be ME!